In one corner of your mind, you are your biggest cheerleader – determined, happy, social, staying on top of your mindfulness and fitness game, all with a beautiful smile on your face... and in the other, lies your comparison mindset. The one that whispers to you negativity like, "As if you’ve got what it takes? You’re not as pretty, as bright, as connected, as rich or as strategic as they are. Do you really think you’re cracked up to actually do your own thing and make it big like they have?”
It’s horrible to come face to face with these thoughts and inner dialogue let alone be honest out loud about them. But one thing's for sure – there are tools you can hold to yourself that will help you boost self-confidence, beat that kind of talk and recognise the differences and benefits that come from not pitting yourself against other people or dream up an imaginary check-list of what 'success' means.
How to stop comparing yourself to others
On a personal note, I used to think there was a benchmark in this game of life, and rather than feel alongside my peers, I was ranked against them. I used to suss out and judge their weights, their boyfriends, their salaries and wardrobes. It was exhausting being mentally thorough about how sh*t I was in comparison.
There was the belief that it was a race to whatever the end was – getting the interview, the Mulberry handbag, the luxury holiday, the flat, the adventure and so on. And yet, I couldn’t have been more wrong.
If you’re finding yourself comparing your current situation to other people’s lives I urge you to stop, collaborate and listen (*yes Mr. Ice pun intended!), because we really never have only one chance.
When we believe that by someone else scoring a success, that we lose out, or that there is one less for us, then we’re on the high road to nowhere. However, what you know deep down, but choose to ignore, is that there will always be another option or a little wait for the right thing to come along in its own perfect timing and beautifully formed result.
For example, think back on what’s brought you to where you are right now, when things haven’t gone your way or you have seen someone else ‘run off with your prize’, it will have, more often than not, made space for something that suited you better, felt more authentic and bridged you to something way more exciting and expansive.
Sometimes we’re so obsessed with, and attached to, the way we expect and want something to turn up in our lives that we miss the fact it’s showing up in another way and is ripe for the picking! Here's a simple example: imagine you're wanting some new Marc Jacobs pumps and you're waiting for them to come on sale on Net-a-Porter and you check the website over and over and they're not in the sale. You resign yourself to the fact they'll never be yours.
But hold up! They've been on the Matches website at half price for ages, but you still can't consider or imagine an alternative to your 'shoe achievement plan' that you're attached to, so you can't see them show up! Gah! Those shoes could have been yours!
Success is not a one-size-fits-all approach and the one rule to help you feel positive, happy, fulfilled, successful and expansive is to notice what you notice and be open to the possibility in your own life.
Forget the outside glare of social media, pitting yourself against other people and being distracted by what you think they’re doing and achieving. Your own unique flavour of success, that will fit you better than anyone else, is on its way to you right now, and it may even have arrived and is awaiting your acknowledgment. Your winning streak starts when you look at what's showing up for you
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