Do you feel bouts of anxiety and nagging self-doubt in situations when you're faced with standing up for yourself or giving a presentation, asking for a raise at work, speaking to strangers, worrying about what others think of you, or simply seeing yourself in a mirror?
Developing a confident attitude isn’t about changing who you fundamentally are – it’s about motivating you to step up, take an honest look at yourself, your shortcomings, reactions, thoughts and limiting beliefs, and change what isn’t working for you by promoting self-love and forming a strong relationship with yourself.
In my book #The Confidence Factor, I speak about how self-doubt and low confidence can hold you back from grabbing opportunities and demonstrate how that can spin out of control. You have to have a conversation with that part of yourself and tell that part of yourself that you refuse to go down that path again, you are done.
Self-doubt and low confidence can hold you back from grabbing opportunities. Don’t let them spin you out of control – have a conversation with that part of yourself and tell that part of yourself that you refuse to go down that path again, you are done.
So many people get into ‘compare and despair’ by scrolling through social media or reading about other people’s success in the glossies, which can feed self-doubt. Bear in mind a lot of times what you read is fabrication and not the reality, so buying into it is futile. Being kind to yourself when you feel doubt creeping in is a far smarter habit to get into so you can start celebrating small steps forward and begin to feel more positive and confident in yourself. You can always course correct on the way to improve self-esteem. So, want to unleash the wonderful person you are? You might like to check out #The Confidence Factor where I go into this in much more depth.
How to be more positive and confident
1. Drop the nice factor
Remember that your willpower will never be stronger than your subconscious. Everything that takes place is recorded in your subconscious, so you may continue on out of habit when it comes to putting yourself second or being self-deprecating. You may not be as confident and competent as you wish you were, but you are not as weak and inept as you think you are. You cannot afford to be a ‘nice girl’ because you will send messages out there that you are an easy target. Think of people you respect who say 'no' in a non-aggressive way and visualize for seven days yourself behaving like them.
2. Praise your strengths
Concentrate all the time on your good points, your talents, your kind heart, your cheerful nature, your wit and thoughtfulness. Identify the strengths that others say they see in you. Stop focusing on your shortcomings and failures. Research shows that 90% of us criticize and judge ourselves, and when you lack confidence you make incorrect judgments and evaluations of yourself. It means you belittle, berate and slam yourself for not being good enough. The paradox is that you affirm that you
are not good enough and there is something inherently wrong with you, and you then start to convince yourself you are a loser. Stop right now! Write down all your good points for 30 days.
3. Learn the language of assertiveness
Watch people on ‘you tube’ you admire and study how they gracefully act assertively. Let go of negative attitudes as they will attract negative responses. Let go of being manipulative as that will make others resentful and resistant. Instead be positive, direct, specific and honest. Let others know you refuse to be spoken down to or at. Do not blithely act as though you are not angry and start defending yourself. By doing this your anger and conflict will get buried and unresolved and people will view you as a pushover. Start standing up for yourself and your rights. Have the courage to avoid and even walk away from toxic people regardless of emotional attachment.
4. Trust your intuition
Reclaim your power and learn to practice self-mastery and stepping out of childhood belief systems that no longer serve you. Awaken and connect with your inner voice and amazing things start happening. Follow that voice in your heart – listen to your gut, the answer is within you. Stop wallowing in self-doubt. It takes practice and patience to come home to yourself, but when you become your own master and best friends with your inner voice, you become comfortable with being in charge of what you think, do and say and you develop a strong inner security. You let go of the opinions of others (unless you find them helpful) and you stand by your convictions in the face of adversity.
5. Take deliberate action
Doubt sits triumphant and actions go undone when we lack confidence. Any people sell themselves short through fear and anxiety about what others think of them. Give yourself permission to reach for the moon, the stars and the sky. Don’t let your self-doubt call the shots. The more you take steps forward to reach your dreams, visions and goals (however small they are) that are aligned with your values, the more you build your self-efficacy and the easier it becomes to find the courage to show up for yourself. Activate the hidden energy in your cells that inspire you to take action, rather than trying to convince yourself to change.
Start now – say no to self-doubt. Flip the switch. Don’t overthink it. Don’t procrastinate. You got this.
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