Summertime can be tough for those of us who are feeling heartbroken. With an endless roster of summer weddings, loved up couples frolicking in the park, it can seem like everyone apart from us is coupled up in a happy relationship. If we're all feeling some kind of barrage of emotional baggage at this time of year then shouldn't we do something to turn the tables? Most of us will do whatever it takes to avoid the pain of a break up, numb it and forget it as swiftly as possible – but what if there was something to be gained from the pain of an expired relationship? Would it be something we would be cheating ourselves out of by avoiding it? Can we really know joy without ever having experienced pain? Happiness without sadness and, indeed, love without heartbreak? Probably not. In fact, ignoring or suppressing feelings like heartbreak can lead to unhealthy habits and OCD patterns. Here are top tips on how to overcome heartache and breakup:
How to heal a broken heart fast
1. Don’t avoid the pain
People adopt many different strategies to avoid their feelings of heartbreak. Some go down a darker path and seek sedation via drinks or drugs, oblivion via a new lover or denial that their ex ever meant that much to them. Convincing your mind and heart that you're doing fine even before you've really had a chance to sort your feelings out or put the main issue to bed is the dangerous bit. It's damaging because the heart only ‘feels’, it can't understand nor be taken in by these words we try and deceive ourselves with.
2. Give it time
It may be a cliché but time does help heal most wounds. It's true that weeks and months can dull the pain, but it also allows ourselves the ability and time to grieve, whether we force it or not. Many people will immediately try and distract themselves, but to truly get over heartache (or indeed any other grief) we must firstly allow ourselves to feel it. That's where that saying comes from, 'You have to feel to heal'. Yes it's definitely easier to distract ourselves away from the pain but by employing those coping techniques we aren’t being honest with ourselves. The first step in healing from a broken heart is to engage with the pain, recognise it and acknowledge what we've lost. Only by doing that can we hope to truly and honestly move on.
If we are to learn and grow from our relationships, it’s important to recognise both the good and the not so good. What went wrong? Why? Do you have bad habits? Do they? How can you work on yourself? How can you better yourself? Not doing so will simply result in carrying around heartbreak like personal, excess, emotional baggage to the next relationship. And that's no way to start fresh! This is why many of us feel like we are constantly rehashing the same relationship patterns, the partner changes but the roles remains the same and so the play continues. If you need extra support in bringing out your true feelings and making positive lifestyle changes, try working with a trusted therapist. We can help you break the pattern, the cycle of blame and instead move forward towards building the relationship you truly desire and deserve.
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