"Would you say that to someone else?!"
I have seen a lot of people struggle with self-love. Far too often we 'reward' ourselves for hard work for example, by engaging in behaviours which give us short term pleasure as opposed to ones that truly reinforce our value and foster a sense of achievement. Further, commonly seeking rapid relief from difficult thoughts and feelings can be a sign that we have room to develop in terms of self love. I often use the example of someone who is training for a marathon. No one loves blisters and early mornings, or feeling sick in the early stages. On the surface we could even suggest states are causing them pain and discomfort - a far cry from words we associate with love. However we don't consider marathon runners to be masochists! The truth is, it takes someone who loves themselves to have the resilience to put themselves through short term discomfort for long term benefits to their physical and mental health. With this in mind it can we useful to ask yourself - do I reward myself with behaviours that invest in my long term wellness? Do I think I'm worthy of doing so? Another useful step towards self love can be to become more aware of the self-sabotaging, cruel and judgemental voices we often have in our heads.
What You'll Need
- Pen and Paper
What You'll Do
- Imagine I told you that someone you love dearly is trying to achieve something that they think will really challenge them. They want it more than anything but not sure they can do it and they've fallen off track a few times. They've come to you to ask for encouragement and motivation and renewed self belief.
- Make a list of the kinds of things you would tell them.
- Now, on a separate piece of paper, I'd like to you make a list of the things you tell yourself when you fall off track with a plan or hit a bump in the road.
- Now lay these side to side and observe the difference. Without exception, this exercise brings to people's attention how differently they speak to and treat those they love.
- Now, write a title on the top of the first list that reads 'things I deserve to hear when I'm not feeling great.'
- And throw away the second, mean page - it's not relevant to those we don't love!!